Shivermoon (shivermoon) wrote,
Shivermoon
shivermoon

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Life goes in unexpected directions

So, my mom is going to move out by spring, leaving the house in my hands. I don't really want to live alone, but I don't trust anyone outside of Sam, Cesar, and Tess to be my roommates here. I can't really manage to train/get a pet, and I don't want to live with Sam or Cesar, simply because of the drinking and smoking thing. Tess and I like to drink, but it's not an all the time sort of thing. And she doesn't smoke, which would be nice. I'd just be nervous asking her to live with me at this point in our odd, odd relationship. And it might complicate things/make things rougher than needed at this point. Other people I trust and like don't live in St. Louis, which makes this kinda awkward. I'm not afraid of living alone, I just kinda go nutty when I don't have someone around a lot of the time. I get bored, antsy, and eventually start to freak out, which leads to going out a lot, which is something I can't really afford to do at this moment. Maybe I'll make some new friends by spring time when I start going to UMSL again. I'm going to start by taking one or two classes on Mondays/Wednesdays, and then back to a full schedule in Summer. I'm going to need a new computer soon, which is going to be somewhat harder to swing then I'd like, because I want a macbook, since they are more reliable then my pc. I don't game anymore, but I use mac CAD programs from time to time, which would make it a smarter purchase for me.

All in all, I'm worried that I'll end up confused and lonely again, and that doesn't bode well for me becoming an independent adult at some point. I just can't be alone anymore for some reasons. I need living things around to reaffirm my sanity sometimes, and alone in the house my dad died in doesn't sound too good for that right now.
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