Shivermoon (shivermoon) wrote,

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funny how that happens

I think I've noticed a trend in my goals/plans. They tend to fall through, because I don't have the money or time to really do what I'd like to with my life. I'd love to learn to play guitar, and I even have one laying around, I just don't have the time to learn. I'd like to move to Chicago, but I don't have the money. I'd like to do a lot of things, but I just can't. So instead of everything I thought I would do up until this point in my life, I am moving out of my parents house, paying for my insurance, getting another job, and going to Mizzou. All so I can be away from here. I'll miss Steph and Zack most of all, because they'll still be here after Tyler, Jen, and Peter have moved back to Portland. However, I do have to get out of this place. I've been here 20 years, and I really don't like a lot of the people I have met here. I have very few friends that I still can talk to here, and it is mostly my fault. I was an asshole, and there is nothing I can do about it. I miss a lot of them, a lot of the time. It hurts to realize that your actions as a human being can have such drastic consequences. The only one of them I still talk to I haven't actually seen in person for two years now. One of them is seriously going to join the Army, and that scares me. Even though I don't speak to him, I don't know how I would handle his potential death through that. I still care about these people a lot, but it's mostly a one sided thing. None of them really are too interested in knowing how I'm doing, and I'm oddly fine with that. I just worry about how they are doing sometimes.

But, that is how life seems to be. I'm moving not because I really don't like it here, but I need a change. And UMSL is not a change from high school. People are still centered around their social groups, still stuck on the idea of the "popular jocks/greeks" and "nerdy weak kids", so it's very hard for me to find people I fit in with and am happy to be around here. But I figure that if it doesn't change to much going to Mizzou, at least I have a change of scenery and I don't have to deal with my parents living with me.

I'm also going to dye my hair magenta. Because I can. I love my job.
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