Shivermoon (shivermoon) wrote,

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here's to you

I keep meaning to update this thing, but I always manage to forget I have it. And it is really only when I have weird dreams that involve livejournal that I remember about it. I really should work on it.

I um...miss people. Some of the nicest people I knew, I don't talk to anymore, and it isn't really because we don't like each other on some level, but because we just don't have time to talk to one another. Some people I've alienated through abusing our relationships. Some people I alienated through the kinds of relationships I had with them. Some of them I was just plain mean to. We all choose the path in life we take, and my path has been rougher lately than it should. And I think if I could know then what I know now, I would have made drastically different choices in the people I have around me now. If it weren't for Sam and Blake, I think I would have gone insane by now. Because I've recently realized how tired of this world I am, and how much I want out. It's not that I want to die/commit suicide, but its more of I want a way to do what I want, rather than what the world wants me to do, and I still haven't come to terms with that being needed.

It is funny when people I've dated lied to me, treated me like shit, and now are trying to emotionally wound me/make me jealous of them now. That's just stupid. If I broke up with you because I couldn't stand the dynamics of our relationship, then it's kinda hard to make me sad or jealous by making out with a fat, blond chick when we're at a large party. Not only will I not be sober (Thank God for Irish Whiskey), but that won't hurt me. Good for you. I just feel sorry for the person you're with, because they are getting dragged along and you're doing this in a way that just makes that person a tool, rather than a person. And I know that it isn't just coincidence that the two of you move every five minutes to wherever I am at the party, cause I keep moving away from you. Far away. By doing what you're doing you've moved from ok ex who just doesn't seem to talk to me, to worthless dumb twat. Because trying to hurt me just makes me think you're a petty asshole. And petty assholes just aren't worth caring about

I'm looking forward to going to Mizzou. I got my schedule, and it's 16 hours, 10 theater class hours and 6 Japanese hours. I'll finally be out of this town.

I ordered a utili-kilt. It rocks, but I have to wait 6-8 weeks for it.
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